Zimmerman

It was a slow morning in Excelsior.  Denny made breakfast on the blackstone.  We walked downtown.  AT 2ish we headed to Zimmerman.  Their kitchen remodel looks great!!!  We drove Kane to church youth group and then went out to eat at a password place.Back home Haley was there and a fun visit.  

 MY GRANDMAWS FINAL GIFT - I’ve debated even typing this all out for a long time now, but I think I’m finally ready to tell a really hard story from my personal life. I know that a lot of you are going to be able to relate to this because a lot of professionals I speak to are in the exact same position I am in. So please allow me to be vulnerable and raw with you.

I was September of 2021. Once again, it was my dear grandmothers birthday. Her name was Alma. One thing that Alma did my entire life was call me and wish me a happy birthday, so this time I wanted to drive to her little old house in Dallas and sing happy birthday to her instead. It’s the least I could do for someone who’s been so kind, loving and consistent as long as I can remember.

In my typical fashion, I procrastinated getting a gift until the day I was actuallly going to go over there. My work schedule is so busy that I pulled into a Walgreens and quickly grabbed a bouquet of flowers, and a card. I thought to myself what Grandmaw would really like is to spend time with me, so I got her a gift card to eat her favorite food of all, Cheese Enchiladas. The idea was that I could stop in, wish her a happy birthday, and then give her the card with the gift card inside, with the promise that I would return and take her out to dinner. 

The gift card was meant to act as an “IOU”. A promise. That way she could know that even though I didn’t have time at the moment to take her out to lunch, I would find the time eventually and we could have cheese enchiladas together.

When I got to her house that day she was in her gown, sitting in her chair, peaceful as usual. When you get to 90 years old you come to peace with a lot of things I guess. She was happy to see me, happy to get the flowers, happy to get the card, and especially happy to get the gift card! We agreed that sometime soon we would make a date to eat the enchiladas.

I had to get back to work. Even this quick side trip was inadvertently causing disruption in my clients work flow and my typical output times. Texts were coming in. Notifications were piling up. I was getting anxious.

Months came and went. Christmas 2021 came. Her birthday came and went again. Christmas 2022 came. 

Somewhere in my mind I figured that grandmaw would be sitting there in her little chair, waiting and ready, as soon as I was. But every time I thought about the gift card, there was a good excuse.

I didn’t have the time. I couldn’t fit it in. I had more important things to take care of. Someone else needed me more. I was too tired from the things I was already doing. Always something.

I gave myself grace because after all, grandmaw was pretty chill, she wasn’t even upset. In fact I was 100% certain that if I even asked her she would insist that she didn’t care at all and it was no big deal. More time passed.

And then I got the call in March of 2023.

In a terrible turn of events: grandmaws house had burned down. She tried to get out, but she couldn’t. She had died. She was gone. 

Life became a bit of a blur to me, and I guess I came up with mental coping mechanisms to deal with the pain. I went over to her house to try and go through her belongings and save what we could. At this point the food in the freezer of the charred house was still frozen. It was surreal. It’s like my brain didn’t allow me to believe it was even a real thing.

Later on while we were preparing the funeral slide show, my Aunt told me that she had something for me. It was the gift card. She had found it in the ash, and somehow it had survived the flames and the heat. She wanted me to have it. 

“Alma always talked about how excited she was to get to have enchiladas with you one day” she told me. “She kept this one safe for whenever you were going to be ready.”

That hit me like a ton of bricks. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that gutted in my life.       She was waiting. She wanted to go. She was waiting on me to call her and say when.     But I never called. I never came. And I lost my chance.

In that very moment I thought about how many other opportunities I may have already let slip through my fingers, or how many more I may lose in the future. Time really is running out to do whatever it is in this life that matters to you or be with whomever you have in this life that matters to you. Time is running out.

I have long known that my mom’s all time dream is actually a simple one. She wants to touch a giant redwood, a coastal sequoia. A tree. That’s it. That’s her dream. She’s 64 years old and she’s never even seen one with her own eyes. 

Suddenly it was quite clear to me, I had to get over my never ending excuses and make this happen for my mom. I don’t want to put it off for so long that one day I get a phone call, and find out that I lost my opportunity with her too.

So as I write this post I am sitting on a flight to San Francisco, with my mom and dad in the row across from me on the plane. Just two days from now my mom will put her hands on a giant redwood, and I can take a big step towards doing what I should have done for my grandmaw and everyone else I have ever cared about. 

Make time for them.

I’m the best at talking myself out of things. I don’t have the money. The weathers not right. I’m so busy. I’m so tired. Work is too crazy. And I’m right. Those are all true things. But here is another thing that’s true:

None of that will matter to you when you realize you’ve run out of time.

So even though this card was a gift for my grandmother, after her death she gave it back as the greatest gift of all. A reminder to do what matters with the people that matter to you while the opportunity exists. That tomorrow is not promised for any of us. That however much time you have, you have less today than you did yesterday. 

I’ve been carrying this card in my pocket every day since it was handed to me, and I plan to keep it there as my reminder from heaven to try and make time for the little moments, the adventures, the trips and the memories. I lost my chance to take grandmaw out to dinner, but that doesn’t mean I have to lose any more chances going forward. We’re going to find the tree.    Thank you Grandmaw. I love you.